no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
