how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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