So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm too high and old for this...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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