I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My liver just had a heart attack.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
