I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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