why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
