Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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