Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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