I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
