I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
