i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
only you would photoshop your dick
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
