Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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