Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
