i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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