I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize