I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
