think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
