NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
