The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize