So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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