my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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