I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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