so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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