i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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