I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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