the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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