Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
