imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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