Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
