Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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