Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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