I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
