absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
