So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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