went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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