I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
