Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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