Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
