it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
