I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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