I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize