Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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