Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize