when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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