bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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