therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize