my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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