he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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