i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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