Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
