Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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