Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
