$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
