we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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