if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
