i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
