Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
should my penis look like a turkey
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
