She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
