i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
