This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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