you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
