I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
false alarm, still single
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
