nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
