New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
