i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
