absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
