please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
