This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
