Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
