I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
