i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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