You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
