She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
