we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm passing your future prison.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize