she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
