She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
