She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
