i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
