question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
me + whiskey = a bad person
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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