I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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