how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
