lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
