R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
