I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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