if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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