OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His hands were made for my vagina.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
