i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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