end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
