My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
