I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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