I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
