I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
